Right Now in a Universe Far Far Away
by neehawk
Summary: My death was only the beginning. Someone out there is trying to make my life hell and they put me on Kamino to do it. But I'm not about to just roll over and take it. This is me, fighting back. Time to fix what was broken. To Hell with Light or Dark. Let's see what a little Twilight can do. Starts 10 years before Ep:2 (Self-Insert) (Sort-of AU) (M to be safe) HIATUS FOR NOW
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Self-Insert stories have caught my interest ever since I first read "This Bites!" And with stories like "Crysis Effect", "Spidey's Life is a Game.", and "Yet Again, With a Little Extra Help." I thought I'd give it a go.**

 **Disclaimer: There's no one on Earth who could dispute the fact that I don't own Star Wars.**

 _Throughout history there have been several fights. Some of them epic._

 **Braveheart** : "They may take our lives…but they'll never take out FREEDOM!" William Wallace yells to his countrymen, who until this moment were ready to run and cower as Scotland tradition is washed away. As they start cheering, William is pleased to see that none of them have any notion of running.

 _Some of them beautiful._

 **47 Ronin** : As Kai and the Tengu lord race forward for the katana between them, if others were to look upon them, they would only see what appears to be orange and brown smoke rushing forward to clash in battle.

 _Some of them that would bring a tear to the eye._

 **The Last Samurai** : Nathan and Katsumoto, along with every samurai around them, draw their katana, ready to fight—to die for their ways and beliefs.

 _And some of them without even throwing a punch._

 **Doctor Who** : "I'm the Doctor, and you're in the biggest library in the universe. Look me up!" The Vashta Nerada inhabiting Its latest meal gives pause, does as the strange man says, and pulls back itself upon realizing the it is sorely outmatched.

 _But some fights … not so much._

 **Our universe** : BAM!

Oh, that's a broken nose. No, wait. Yup. No— _yup_. That's my broken nose. Yay. That was one of my best features, and now it's broken.

"C'mon nerd," says Carter. He's the local town idiot who thinks he's tough, but when I say he's an idiot, I mean he is the only person I know who repeated the 3rd Grade FIVE TIMES. If you need a scale of how fucking annoying—he is: a full stadium of vuvuzelas, MULTIPLIED BY CANCER. Yeah, _that_ annoying. "Show us some of those 'Jadi reflexes' that you keep talking about."

"It's JEDI, You idiot. Also, why the hell are you on their side?" As it turns out, terrorists do accept bullies into their group. Yep, terrorists are attacking my high school. Why? Well as they said, 'For shits and giggles.' And Carter is helping them. Or maybe he hired them? Either way, I don't see myself as living past today. I had tried to crawl away, maybe get help, but then Carter kicked me in the face. Thus, broken nose.

"Because I'm tired of seeing you idiots going about your life like the bugs you are. You trash always think that the world is so damn easy to live in. Well guess what? It isn't." Carter picks up his gun from the table and points it at my head. "So long, nerd."

There was a white flash, and then nothing but blackness. My last thought was, 'That figures, the one time I try to be a hero, and I get a hole in my head.'

You'd think that the afterlife would be white but apparently, it's a mixture of blue and red with some yellow thrown in. I hear voices in the distance, slowly growing closer.

I peel my eyes open, my eyelids feeling like someone sealed them with duct tape. The world is a blur of colors and shapes. As my eyes focus I notice a few things, mostly the **BIG ASS DROIDEKA INFRONT OF ME!** "Shit!" I exclaim and duck to the left, circling around behind him, and prepare for the oncoming fire. Surprisingly, this Droideka doesn't even notices me. I look around at the blue tinted room. It looks like we're in the Count's mansion on Serenno. There where battle Droids all over the room, all their weapons pointed at….MY DAD?! With MANDOLORIAN ARMOR?! WHAT?! Oh wait, that's me. I could tell because Dad will never grow more than peach fuzz. That is a beard that looks like it was chiseled from obsidian. Again, WHAT?! HOW THE FUCK DID I GET THIS OLD?! "This isn't gonna be like the last few times, Count. I probably won't kill you, but I will fuck up your plans." What the fuck did I…. he…...WE say? Why are there Droids around me? Why do I sound so confident about facing Count Dooku? And why do I-I mean, why does he, have a cybernetic eye?

"You presume too much, boy. Do you honestly believe that you could survive this?" Wow, Count Dooku does look like Sir Christopher Lee (Rest in Peace). What the hell am I…. he…WE doing here?

"Oh Count. What makes you think I have anything left to live for?" Wait WHAT? What did I just say? Taking another look at the other me I notice that, even in this blue tint, I can see that his organic eye is a sickly yellow.

Before I can even comprehend what this means my vision starts to swirl. As the swirl starts to slow, it shows me a new scene. I'm looking at myself, just like he was in the previous vision, standing on a starship's bridge, in front of us what looks like a star cruiser.

"Admiral, status?" The other me looks towards a Twi'lek male in a grey uniform, standing behind some clones in the same uniform.

"Charge holding steady at 110% sir." Charge? Charge for what?

A Trandoshan was on a holopad, looking like he just came out of a meat grinder "You wouldn't dare" the meat grinder byproduct says. "You Jedi never kill defenseless people." What? The other me starts walking towards the front window, waits for a second, then begins to speak.

"First, you stole something from me. This is a punishment. And second," he turns to the holopad and glares with his cybernetic eye, " **I'm not a Jedi**. Admiral…. Fire."

I hear my voice behind me and turn to catch the tail end of myself speaking. "-what do you know of the Huk War, Master Fisto?" There he is, standing over what looks like an operating table with Kit Fisto standing off to the side. On the table lays the Kaleesh cyborg, General Grievous.

"A little. The Kaleesh were attacking the Yam'rii and…." Grievous starts thrashing on the table and I quickly place a hand on his chest plate. "NO, Master Fisto, the Kaleesh were the victims in this, fighting only to drive the Yam'rii off their planets. The Yam'rii paid the Trade Federation off and in comes the Jedi, not to investigate, but to STOP the Kaleesh!" At this point, the other me is looking very livid, organic eye twitching every now and then. "That isn't the job description of a Jedi! THAT'S THE DESCRIPTION OF A MERCENARY!" The other me hasn't turned from Grievous during that whole rant of his, and the way he's standing near Grievous is almost like a protector.

I blink my eyes and suddenly the scene changes. I'm standing in a blue tinted field with Anakin, Ahsoka, and a random clone. Behind us is a roaring fire consuming what was left of a fortress. In front of us is the other me. **_"Well, I'd say that was an excellent offensive. I'm just sad that it's over, mostly because the enemy commander died of natural causes."_** Anakin and Ahsoka look at me curiously. The clone commander turns to face me. "Natural causes? He died because of a broken neck." The other me stares out at the beautiful landscape before him. **_"I believe that dying once your neck breaks is very natural indeed. Especially given all the people I know who WOULDN'T die under those circumstances."_**

The blue tinted world fades and changes to a cantina. The armored me is sitting at a booth with Obi-wan and Anakin. "Are you sure this person is reliable?" Obi-wan seems to be doubting him. Typical. Wait what? Where did that come from? "Reliable is a strong word…...so is trustworthy…...discreet is actually looking a little weak right now. Anyway, it's fine. We'll have no problems with our mission if he's in on it." I hear a chime at the entrance and turn to look at OH MY GOD! THAT'S KAL SKIRATA! Head of the Skirata clan of Mandolorians and leader of the clone Omega Squad! HOLY FUCK! Where the Hell did I make friends with him? The other me stands and moves to…hug him? "Alor'ad! K'olar!" Captain! come here? When did I learn Mando'a? He smirks and hugs him back. "Al'verde." Commander? What?

My vision swirls again and I'm taken to a dark stone room. The other me is sitting in the middle with a spotlight focused on him. Around him are the other Jedi Masters of the Council, but something was different about them. They seemed to be more evil. "Obviously, I'm afraid, but that won't rule my life. I've got the courage to push forward. That's what makes me alive." The telltale Snap-hiss of a lightsaber being ignited draws me to the other me and I see his pitch-black blade. "That's what makes me better than you, Abelloth."

Suddenly, my vision goes bright white. What the hell was all that? What kind of Purgatory is this? Why is it showing me these visions? Why am I so cold? Seriously, I'm freezing. Wait, aren't I dead? How could I be freezing?

The blinding white of the room fades to barely tolerable. My head feels like it's trying to freeze, melt, pull itself apart, and explode all at once.

"It seems the patient is awake. How are you feeling?" I slowly turn my head towards the voice and freeze. DEADLY ROBOTS! EXECUTE ROBOT FACE KICK! My kick seems to have knocked the robot's head clear to the other side of what looks to be an operating theater. I suddenly realize that my breathing isn't as smooth as it should be. There's a tube in my throat, I'm starting to choke. I reach up and quickly remove the obstruction, immediately turning to the side and puking when it's out. I slowly get up from the oval bed and rush towards the door. I very quickly vacate the area and rush into an adjacent room. What the hell was that robot? Where the fuck am I?

My eye catches on a very shiny box. I turn and look to see if I had all my parts. Two black eyes, short black hair, small scar on my right cheek from when I came extremely close to having a Glasgow smile. Everything about my face looks normal, but what of my body? Other than the weird patient gown I'm wearing, I'm still my tall, moderately overweight, 18-year-old self. I need to get out of here!

C'mon, think dude. What was it the guys on Burn Notice said? Something about needing to escape and being under age 4 or you can't fit in an air vent, so try the sub-ceiling. Yeah that's good advice, EXCEPT WHEN THERE'S NO FUCKING SUB-CEILING. *sigh*, maybe I should just book it down the hallway. If I run into someone then I'll just kick in their face. I grab my backpack and haul ass down the corridor, passing bright white door after bright white door. Geez, you'd think they had a theme going here. Wherever here is. White door, white door, white door, glass door, white do- wait. I backtrack and confirm that, yes, there is a glass door.

Freedom! As the door slides open my nose is immediately assaulted by the salty scent of the ocean. I look out and see only water everywhere and rain beating against my face. I look down and watch what appears to be a devil ray with a duck's head breach the water and start flying toward one of the floating cities docks. I'm frozen in shock at my surroundings. The glass door opens behind me and I hear someone's footsteps approach me.

"Where am I?" I'm asking but I'm sure I know the answer already. "Is it not so obvious? This is Tipoca city." The Kaminoan says. Yup, I'm in the Star Wars Universe. Fuck.

 **AN: Please Review, the more advice you give, the better the story can grow.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Review answers:**

 **Blaze1992: 5000% chance of other universe items bleeding through, trust me.**

 **Thinker90: This is more than just a Crackfic, this is me airing my grievances about the Star Wars movies and how the Clone Wars series could be better. I'll still take your advice about other SI reviews though. Keep in mind that this is my first real story, so there will be some things that don't make sense. It's me trying to figure out what works with what I'm trying to do. I've rewritten this entire chapter about 14 times to make sure I'm not making a Gary Stu.**

 **ThelonewolfNT: I did rush the first chapter. It was an impulse decision on my part and I probably should have fleshed out the story a bit more before posting, but whatever. It's out now, what can you do. As for confusion, this IS my first fic, so you might need to bear with me.**

 **Disclaimer: I only own the OCs. Star Wars is out of my budget range.**

 **Ch. 2**

 _Joseph's Journal entry 1- December 8, 2016 (Unknown month, day, 32 BBY)_ _ **:**_

 _What the fuck has my life become? A terrorist attack on my school, my death, and my subsequent stranding in the Star Wars Universe. C'est la vie, such is life. Or, I guess now it's c'est ma vie, such is my life._

 _So, here's apparently what happened after I died in the other world. Per what the Kaminoans told me, I simply showed up in the sky over Tipoca city and started a freefall straight towards the water. After fishing me out, they brought me to a medical bay. A few days went by and my recovery is still going well. They found a backpack with some of my personal items from an Aiwha near my splashdown site. Which was weird because I didn't even bring my iPad or Xbox to school._

 _It's been 2 months since then. I've come to terms with the fact that I died in my original universe. I'll be honest though, I considered jumping from a railing into the ocean once or twice._

 _Okay, boring stuff now. Per the Holonet, I arrived only five days after the end of the Naboo Blockade. That means that I'm a little late to stop the death of Master Sifo-Dyas. Since then, I've offered to lend my DNA for the clone army, and I've made a few friends of the Kaminoans._

 _Although, I think some of them still don't like me very much…..._

"So," I start, "Tell me again, WHY do you think I need this operation?" I'm laying down on the oval bed in the operating theatre, a rather old looking Kaminoan standing over a tray of surgical tools. He turns around, stares at a medical droid and tells it, "Make sure the serum is still viable." He turns to me, "When we extracted DNA from you, we noticed many discrepancies that must be fixed for future clone extractions. Your bone density isn't up to where it would be for many normal humans, your reliance on prescription glass to fix your vision, and many other flaws that would normally be fatal to any other human."

Wow, I guess vanilla humans in the Star Wars universe are closer to super soldiers. Makes sense with how many times I've seen clones make leaps only Jedi could make. I retort sarcastically, "Well excuse me if my own Universe's Vanilla Humans are so brittle."

The old Kaminoan just grunts and turns to his terminal. "We're going to begin these procedures with augmenting your nervous system," he says with a yawn that even an Anaconda would gawk at. "This will be the most dangerous procedure, so I want you to confirm that this is something you want."

I raise my head up to look at the back of his head. "REALLY? YOU CHOOSE TO WAIT UNTIL THE RESTRAINTS ARE ON ME BEFORE YOU ASK THAT? FUCK YOU MAN!"

"I will take that as a yes." The old guy then turns to put a breathing mask over my face. Already I can feel my body start to tense up. As my head begins to throb only one thought enters my head. "OH, FUCK THAT HURTS! OOOWWWWWWWWWWWWW! OH GOD! WHY DOES IT HURT SO FUCKING MUCH?! UNCONSCIOUSNESS PLEASE TAKE ME AWAY FROM THIS PLACE!" My vision begins to darken. Thank you, Unconsciousness, never again will I…ever take you…for…. granted….

 _Journal entry 2 - December 29, 2016 (Still unknown day and month, 32 BBY)_

 _That was the worst 3 weeks of my new life. Even after I woke up, I still had to deal with phantom pains and nerves misfiring every so often. I almost slapped myself in the face trying to take my glasses off one night, and shaving is a whole 'nother deal._

 _Although, I can't exactly argue with the results. Before, I could barely catch a baseball, even with a glove, but now? My reflexes are freaking amazing, my hand-eye coordination is so much more accurate, and I think I even feel the air pressure of a Data pad flying at me! Not sure about that last one, but I digress._

 _My clones are developing well. Already I can see the clones in row 1138 starting to kick. It's kind of weird to see it happen in real time. I'm expecting by March to have a couple of clones of myself learning how to read and write. I'm so excited!_

 _Journal entry 13 – May 25, 30 BBY_

 _Happy Birthday, Lando Calrissian!_

 _As I'm typing these words, Jedi Knight Vergere has just made first contact with the Yuuzhan Vong. Zonama Sekot, the living planet, is forced to play host to these organic Borg wannabes. I can't make light of them because they will cause the deaths of Trillions in the galaxy._

 _On a more depressing note, Derell We, the old Kaminoan who oversaw my procedures, passed away yesterday. The others tell me it's natural causes, but I remain skeptical. I didn't get to know him very well, but myself and all the clones of Tau company wish him well on his journey to the afterlife._

 _Oh, Tau company, almost forgot. Since they've reached the 'optimal stage for learning', I'm now able to teach them the things I want them to know…._

"So, in conclusion, ALWAYS remember the 50-50-90 rule. If there's a 50% chance of being right, 90% of the time it'll blow up in your face." I look through the glass at my pre-recorded hologram teaching the clones. As it turns out, I'm an amazing teacher, even when I'm not there in person. "Now," the hologram starts again, "extra credit work is to read through Sun Tzu's 'The Art of War' twice before tomorrow. Report to Alor'ad Skirata for Close Quarters Combat. Dismissed."

As the hologram of me powers down, I notice some of my clones waving at me. I smile and wave back. Already 4 years old physically and they're already learning how to kill a man with a spork. A tear comes to my eye. They grow up so fast.

It's so weird, seeing a younger version of yourself, multiplied by three thousand. I shake off the feeling and continue my walk down the corridor to my augment procedure. I must admit, I'm a little bit wary of who could possibly take over for Derell We, but I need these augments if I want to survive. Today I'm having my vision refocused to 20-20. NO MORE GLASSES!

I shake myself from my inner thoughts as I reach a split in the hall. Down the left hall, I see Jango and baby Boba. I can't believe it's been 2 years since I first met Jango in these halls. I make my way toward him and nod as I pass him, receiving a nod back. We have a bit of a mutual respect, I stay out of his way and he doesn't disintegrate me. It's not the best system but it works.

I stop outside the third lab door and look back just in time to see Jango vanish through the elevator. A sinister smile comes to my face as I notice the security droids make their pass through the other hall. Quickly, I make my way through the lab door.

Once inside I make my way to the main terminal. I quickly pull up my English-to-Aurebesh cheat-sheet and begin searching through the current projects. "Let's see here…. ah, here it is. Order 66." Now to make my change. I begin typing. Order 66-b: Order 66 can only be issued by the Supreme Chancellor with a unanimous vote from the Republic Senate. If the Senate is abolished, the electoral college must make the unanimous vote. That ought to be enough…... wait. I scroll back up the list. Order 37. It dealt with using many civilian hostages to force the capture of an individual. It involved suppressing local civilian populations, including mass civilian arrests and civic lockdowns, and then issuing an ultimatum: if the local populace does not turn over said individual, all the arrestees will be executed. Let's change that. Order 37-b: Order 37 cannot be issued unless with a unanimous vote by the Republic Senate. Now I'm done.

I turn to the door and just walk out. All this elaborate planning and I just walk out the door. If I get caught I'll just brush it off by saying I've been looking for a bathroom. It works for Michael Weston, why wouldn't it work for me?

I quickly, yet casually, rush down the corridor towards the operation theatre. I reach the door and scan a data card with my information on it, letting whoever's inside know that I'm here. Now to make a good first impression.

As I walk into the room, I have the biggest grin on my face. "Hello!" I shout, "My name is Lab Rat, where's the cheese at?" I hear a nervous chuckle from the only living thing in the room. She's a tall Kaminoan, about 2.11 meters tall. Like all Kaminoans, she has white skin and black sclera, but unlike other Kaminoans her eyes were the brightest of blue I've ever seen. As with all female Kaminoans, she has the head crescent, but this one holds a bead chain that loosely loops around her long neck and connects to her collarbone.

I walk over to her and take a seat. Time to make a new friend.

(1 Hour later…)

"And then, after the alien microbes detach from the ship, the guy who suppresses his emotions says the best line in the series. 'It appears we have lost our sex appeal Captain'." The small room explodes with laughter from two sources. My slightly subdued chuckles, and her outright, gut busting laugh echo in the small room.

"Oh… I needed that," she sighs after her laugh finally ends.

"Yeah… say when's the Doctor gonna show up?" I ask her with a glance at my watch. After basically summarizing the first two seasons of Star Trek: Voyager, most people could understand my impatience.

"Were you in need of some medical assistance?" she asks innocently enough.

"Well…yeah. I'm here for my augment procedure…" Realization. Within a second I run the gauntlet of surprise, disbelief, back to surprise, and then humor. I remember a riddle Dad told me years ago. 'a father and son are in a horrible car crash that kills the dad. The son is rushed to the hospital; just as he's about to go under the knife, the surgeon says, "I can't operate—that boy is my son!"' the answer is that the surgeon is the kid's mother. It's an old riddle to reveal how gender biased a person can be. I was so sure I'd get another grouchy old man to oversee me.

"I am such an idiot." I lay my head on the table as she begins to laugh. "You're the one I'm here to see, aren't you?"

"Yes," she says when her giggles subside, "I am Dr. Kala Nu, and I will be taking care of your augmentation procedures. If you'll take a seat, we can begin the operation." She gestures to a very comfortable looking chair. I remove my glasses and take a seat, leaning my head back.

 _Journal entry 14 – June 19, 30 BBY_

 _25 days now and I'm just now starting to regain blurry images in my eye sight. Apparently, something went way wrong with the procedure. The focusing crystal was cracked and the laser widened because of it. My vision was fixed completely, but I'm stuck without sight for a while. That hasn't interrupted my work though._

 _Kala is running tests to see how the crystal broke, and if It was a natural break…. or not. I'm not sure why someone would sabotage me, but I'll find out. Or maybe I'll get lucky and they'll reveal themselves before Episode 2 starts._

 _About Kala Nu, my new doctor, Tau company have really taken a liking to her. Kind of like the big sister of the team. They can always rely on her to patch them up. Plus, she gets us the good drugs…. Computer pause._

An electronic warble from my IPad confirms the order as I pause in my pacing. "Delete last sentence." I say, turning to look in the mirror. Even if it's a blurry smudge, my reflection doesn't look the way it did in the last two years. Less High schooler, more William Riker. I remove my shirt and place a hand on my developing six-pack. It's astonishing how Mandolorian basic training can do that in just two years.

On a completely unrelated note: FUCK YOU JANGO YOU SADISTIC FUCK! SWIMMING IN THE FREEZING COLD OCEAN ALL AROUND TIPOCA CITY WHILE YOU'RE SHOOTING AT ME?! FUCK YOU!

I stand there for about a minute before taking up the robe on the bed. I freeze when a chime at the door sounds. "Computer, what's the time?"

"The time is currently 11:38 P.M." my IPad says.

"Well then who could that possibly be?"

"Insufficient data to- "

"Computer, disregard question." I say quickly. I really need to install a program for detecting rhetoric and sarcasm.

I hit the button to open the door and instantly recognize the shock of orange hair in the doorway. "Rusty," I say in confusion, "What are you doing here?"

"I couldn't sleep Joe." WOW. I didn't know someone could look that scared. His bright blue eyes seemed duller than normal, almost as if despair had taken up residence in his face.

"Seems to me it's more than just a case of sudden insomnia. Well, come on in."

He walks through the door way and takes a seat on my bed. I close the door and lean against the window, the soft patter of rain on the glass the only break from the awkward silence.

"So," I finally ask, "What's on your mind?"

Rusty begins to fidget a bit. "I…. I'm worried about this war we're being trained for. About whether I'm gonna survive."

My face adopts a look of utter dumbfounded-ness. "Of course, you'll survive, why wouldn't you?"

I hear subtle cracks from his hands as he clenches them harder. "That just brings up further worries!" he yells.

Oh…. Ooooohh. That's what's going on here. "You're scared of how you'll adapt to peace. How can you go back to who you were when all you've ever known was being a soldier? Am I anywhere in the ballpark?"

Rusty doesn't say anything, he just looks at the floor. I nod to myself and walk over and sit down next to him.

"Thought so." I dig through my memories to try and ease his mind. "Most of the time, soldiers don't cope well with peace. It's hard, going from a place where anywhere you look is death to a place where no one wants you dead. So many things could set you back into that soldier mindset. But the thing is, you haven't experienced war just yet. This is still a time of peace. You have nothing to worry about yet. If a normal life isn't something I can give to you all after war, then I have an alternative." I reach out and place my hand on his shoulder. "But until then, let me worry about the future, 'kay?"

I can see the pressure on Rusty lift away as he straightens up. That seems to have done the trick. Not bad for my first Reasons You're Awesome speech.

The knock on the door makes us both jolt up in surprise. We share a brief look before I motion with my head at the pistol under my pillow. What? Never hurts to be prepared.

"Who is it?" I yell. Meanwhile, Rusty has taken up cover behind the bed, pistol aimed at the door.

"It's Lucky, Joe. Can we talk?" Lucky, his name is well earned. His cloning tank suffered a breach in the early stages of his fetal development, but by some crazy 'luck' he managed to survive. A side-effect of that is his short stature, even for a physical 4-year-old kid.

"Sure Lucky, come in." I wave off Rusty and hear him put the gun back under my pillow.

The door slides open to reveal to me the blurry form of Lucky. I can make out his bright blond hair and if I squint enough I can see his amber eyes, looking just as scared as Rusty's were.

The door slides shut behind him and those eyes of fear change to ones of shock at seeing Rusty in the room. "Rusty?" he says, "What are you doing here?"

"He's here for probably the same reason you are, sudden onset of insomnia caused by worries about the future." I can't contain the sarcasm in my voice. Lucky's surprised face was all I needed. "I'll tell you the same thing I told Rusty, don't worry about the future. I've got you."

As Lucky begins to smile, there's another knock at the door. I notice Rusty grabbing the gun again and Lucky opening the front closet and hiding in it. They'll be getting an A+ in situational awareness and response time. I walk to the door and press myself against the wall on the receding side, opposite Lucky's hiding space.

I hit the button and the door slides open. Standing there, congregated to the left, are five more clones. As I open my mouth to ask why they're here, another clone walks up from the left. Curious, I stick my head out the way he came from. Even with poor vision, I can't dispute the uneven march of so many small kids, all of whom, I'm guessing, have the same question. My face slowly adopts the stare of a silent guardian, angered that someone would endanger his ward.

Right, that tears it. I pull myself back into my room, grab my IPad and shirt, and rush outside. Guess I'm not gonna sleep tonight.

"Rusty, Lucky. Meet me in Hangar 29, and wake up the rest of Tau Company." I say as I throw on my shirt.

"Why?" Rusty asks.

I turn back around to look at him and smile. "Because it's time for you to be kids, not soldiers."

 _(1 Hour Later)_

"Well men, since it seems like none of us are gonna be getting sleep tonight, I thought we'd watch something that doesn't involve training you for war." Hangar 29 was almost packed with every clone in my company, most of them rubbing sleep out of their eyes or yawning. A few of them were standing at attention while I was plugging in my IPad to a projector droid.

"Is it any good?" asks Lucky.

"Are you kidding? Fencing. Fighting. Torture. Revenge. Giants. Monsters. Chases. Escapes. True love. Miracles." I'm overselling, but I don't care. "Computer, load up The Princess Bride."

As the IPad loads up the movie, I take to stacking some crates to form a chair and sit down. Everyone else has at this point, either taken a seat on the floor or have found an innovative way to get themselves comfortable. The projector droid projects an image onto the far wall, serving as our screen tonight. As the first parts of the movie open on the old baseball videogame, I quickly look around to see that everyone is watching, mostly intrigued.

The old man on the screen puts on his glasses and opens the book. "The Princess Bride, by S. Morgenstern. Chapter One. Buttercup was raised on a small farm in the country of Florin."

Yeah. My life RULES!

 _(3 weeks later)_

My life SUCKS!

I'm currently laying my head on a conference table, listening to so many sales pitches, BORED OUT OF MY GOURD!

"-twelve quad turbolaser cannons, and a crew compliment of 700… Mr. Joseph, am I boring you?" This motherfucker.

"YES! YOU ARE BORING ME! WE'VE ALREADY DECIDED ON THE ACCLAMATOR-CLASS ASSAULT SHIP! You're beating a dead horse like it owes you money. We get it, this ship is awesome." My non-relevant gods, this guy doesn't get the point. I look up at him and stare straight in his eyes. "And since we've chosen this ship class, all you've been doing is repeat your damn sales pitch over and over and over. Now sit down, cause it's my turn."

The moron, suddenly very quiet, skittishly slinks toward a chair and sits down. At this point, I've stood up and made my way towards the stand. I plug in my IPad and look up at the assembled scientists.

"Ladies, Gentleman and variations thereupon. I would like to take this time to introduce- "I hit an app on the IPad and a hologram of what looks like the human muscular system below the neck pops up. "The M-R Weave!"

"Based around two of the greatest super-soldier aid systems ever conceived, the M-R Weave blends perfectly a muscle enhancement as well as a reflex boost. Blaster fire, dodge able. A maximum of 50 Tons, flip able. Top running speed of 95 kph with minor side-effects." Two of the scientists seemed to perk up in interest.

I tap my IPad screen and another image pops into being. In Aurebesh above it states 'UNSC Everest'. "This is a ship I wish to commission as a flagship. The image you see before you is of a 1:15000th scale." About half of the scientists and engineers at the table were taken aback by that. Even at that scale, the image still dwarfed the table. "The most prominent feature is the Magnetic Accelerator Cannon the ship is designed around. This cannon could put a crater the size of Tipoca city on a planet, including depth." I pause to let them pick their jaws up from the floor.

"Is this all you have to offer us?" the Jackass starts, "Two, miniscule things?"

"OBVIOUSLY, I'm not done yet, ASS!" I absently wonder if I would be justified in killing him in front of everyone here?

"Computer," I say, the lights seeming to dim ominously, "Display Project: MG REX." The image that pops up on the holotable shows a BEAST of a two-legged walker, armed with a massive black gun on the right with its center cut out. On the notes bubble near it, it simply says 'Introduce Railgun Physics'. On the left was a radar dish, the notes naming this 'Ray dome'.

Later, the RHE representative would tell me that my eyes took on a sickly yellow-red hue after the image showed up. If my clones came out on top, I wouldn't care if my eyes turned bright pink. They _will_ be the best at what they do. No matter what.

 **A/N: The part about the future of Tau company was tougher to write than I thought. Every sentence I wrote down seemed to be either offensive in my mind or just plain ignorant.**

 **I have no set schedule yet. This story isn't progressing in a line, it's expanding in random places and I'm trying to piece them together.**

 **Also, please keep in mind, that I'm doing this by my lonesome. That's why it's important for you to review. Tell me if I'm getting things wrong, tell me how you would have done something, hell if you just want to tell me something I didn't know about the expanded universe or legends universe, GO FOR IT! All are applicable in this story.**


	3. Hiatus notice

I'm sorry. The third chapter has taken about a year to get to where it is and it'll take a lot more time to be finished. I've tried to avoid doing this but I must declare this story's hiatus for the foreseeable future. When it comes back I'll have a few chapters to add. Till then, stay frosty.


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